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She had been unable to engage in sex for some time, and so I dealt with my physical needs the best I could, mostly through chronic, habitual masturbation. The months following her passing were very difficult for me emotionally, and I was having a hard time dealing with the grief, and the guilt. I had periodically struggled with bouts of guilt since high school, when I began to use masturbation to help deal with stress and insecurities. Back then, it was referred to as “abusing oneself”. I tried to stay busy and exercise to manage these urges, but when that did not work, masturbation (usually in conjunction with anal stimulation) became my “drug of choice”, as it were. I thought marriage would alleviate the need for this, and it did, for a while. But, compulsive, addictive behaviors are hard to break, and I found myself despairing over my lack of self-control. An even greater threat to my battered conscience was my growing desire for close physical intimacy with another male.. Did you want me to contact the housing authority?" No thanks, I might take vouchers, but I don't want them having a veto vote. If it's my money in the game, I get to make the rules not them." Then be careful taking their vouchers. They come with with all kinds of hidden strings." Jen said."True, I never knew anything the Fed got into that didn't have more rules than needed, by a factor of ten." I suggested.When I got back home, I sat at my keyboard and wrote the house rules. In addition to those in the contract. The additional rules were about conduct and behavior. The rules in the contract were more about cost and expenses involved in being a tenant, and what you got for your money. Of course there were rules in the contract about what you got, if you didn't pay your rent. Mostly it was bullshit, but I figured it was necessary bullshit.I called Amos realty and Insurance company. Fred Amos and I went to high school together. I didn't know what the deal was with him at that moment,.
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